Daily struggle.

After a night of no sleep, I stare at the clock (05:00) and know that it’s time to start another long day.

My OCD daily routine begins……       Mark off the date on 3 calenders, empty the dishwasher, start a load of washing, feed the rabbit (Lex Luthor), take my cocktail of medicines, wake the kids, sort breakfast, make their lunches, then finally get myself ready for work.

Aaarrgghh. …..the clock shows 8am……my STRUGGLE kicks in. My mind keeps saying “You HAVE to leave the house” …. ” You HAVE to leave the house”

In a split second, my brain is trying to come up with a million and one excuses for me to go back to my room and hide. As I walk to the front door, my heart is racing, my hands are shaking, I start to sweat and I feel sick.

Everyday,  every week, every month,  for as long as I can remember, my day has started with the same struggle.

The rest of the day I hide behind my ‘mask of smiles’ to camouflage my depression, Then finally, at the end of the day, I return home and I can breathe again………until the clock shows 05:00 . The nightmare begins again.

Tired of struggling to get through life. x

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