Discovering me.

2015-08-09 16.26.42

If you had asked me a few years back, to describe myself, I would have said ‘Strong, independent, level-headed, practical, logical, problem solver and carer’.

Nowadays, I’m not so sure. Sometimes I am surprised by my own reactions to life. Other times, I can’t find a reaction at all !?

I become numb and emotionless, like I’m not even here. Recently, I’ve discovered I’m Bipolar / Manic depressive (a new complaint to add to my other medical conditions).

My mind has so many random thoughts, that even when I’m sat in silence, my head is full of noise.



25 thoughts on “Discovering me.

  1. You may want to slow down, close your eyes and focus on one pleasant thought or idea that places a smile on your face. If anything else pops into your head, take a slow deep breath and return your focus to that pleasant thought or idea. Keep repeating the process until you win control over the rushing ideas. Takes a little time and practice, but it’s worth the smile you’ll experience! Good luck.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I’m sorry. Thanks for following my blog which brought me here of course. I’m diagnosed schizophrenic (which started out as paranoid schizophrenic) and moved onto schizo-effective disorder. I’m not wild about psychiatrists or medication. It all happened late in life for me too, relatively. So….sorry. Have a sweet cup of tea.

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  3. Sorry for the diagnosis, I have had Bipolar Disorder all my life and I am 58 now and finally coming to terms with it. I have other mental illnesses including Borderline Personality Disorder and many physical chronic pain illnesses. I know how rough it can be and I also tried to end it all unsuccessfully I am happy to add. I was unmedicated most of my life and now I am medicated and stable for the last 8 weeks. Good luck on your journey.

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  4. Funny you mention that you would have had an answer a few years back, but now you’re not so sure. I can identify strongly with that as I was relatively stable until a bipolar manic episode destroyed my life last year. I’d always known I had some challenges, but I didn’t find out I was bipolar until I was 32. I’ve been medicated for about 9 months now. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.

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  5. You’ll feel like that for a while I guess… I had therapy, I found it helped, and the drugs, thought I slowly (with the drs help) took less and less of them and now don’t anymore. I still relapse, maybe I’ll write more about that. I have a ‘I do not suck’ whiteboard, whenever i feel like i suck i have to write that i dont – And running basset hounds. pictures of basset hounds running make everything better.
    sorry I’m rambling….tired. (see the links on my page)

    Thank you for following me.

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  6. Thanks for following me. I visited your blog afterwards and found some of your poetry and thoughts to be amazing–and similar to my own. There is something about self analysis that both amazing and awful at the same time.
    I think you should climb a tree and look at the world from a new perspective, go alone to a coffee shop and sit for a while and see people be people.. And watch parents look at their children with love. There are good things in this world. Smattered with terrible.
    Mental illness can be treated with OTC drugs, but so often not cured. You can get your strength in gear, eat healthy foods, and practice techniques to shun negative thoughts. Often, I talk aloud to myself to do so..
    But remember, you are a human being in a universe. You are here. At this time, at this moment. And you’re apart of something amazing and strange. You are a passenger on this jet no matter what collision course we’re on. And you’re also a co-pilot of your own life. (The pilot is god, or fate, or whatever belief you may have.)
    There are moments you need to smile at the ride. But also times when it’s beyond bumpy.
    Keep connected. I look forward to reading more from you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have been reading through your blog today and I enjoy reading your posts. I don’t go through the things you go through, such as being bipolar or having depression. I have a lot of friends who suffer from depression and I feel when I read your post, I can understand what they are going through a little better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It will mean a lot to your friends, to know that you understand and empathise with what they’re going through.
      I really appreciate that you took the time to read my blogs. Thank you from my heart.
      Writing has really helped release some of my fears and worries.
      Thank you.😊 xx


      1. No thank you for writing these posts, some of my friends see professionals and I have a creative friend who see professionals, listen to music to get her through things as well as drawing. They’re my friends and what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t support and help them through their hard times you know?

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I too have bipolar and borderline which make life difficult. I’m sorry for your pain. Try to find something to be grateful for each day. Even small things like an ice cream cone, a smile, a song etc. I know life is hard especially with this crap. It helps me to be an advocate for mental illness. I send emails and make phone calls and talk to help end the stigma. Sometimes the stigma is in me; I often think someone doesn’t want to be my friend bc I’m bipoar😳
    You are talented and strong.
    I know what you mean about the noise. Sometimes I have to leave a room if it’s too stimulating. I often feel confused in conversation so I have to ask people to slow down and repeat things. It’s uncomfortable and makes me feel scared for my future. Hang in there and remember each day is an opportunity to express who you are becoming. Go slow and nurture yourself and do things you enjoy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me, I know it sounds cliché, bur it really helps when someone can relate to your worries and troubles. Also it good to share techniques of coping in different situations.
      On a good day, I really do try and make the most of it.
      Like today, got up cut the grass, tidied the garden and repainted some of my gnomes (very therapeutic ).
      Thank you.😊 xx

      Liked by 1 person

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