Life is a bully.

Life is a bully, that stabs my heart,

the blood pours out, it’s torn apart.

Life is a bully, that punches my soul,

makes it ache, takes it’s toll.

Life is a bully, that confuses my head,

makes me believe, I want to be dead.

Life is a bully, that ruins my dreams,

makes me angry, holler and scream.

Life is a bully, that will just keep on,

until it’s the winner and I am gone.

Words make wounds.

I tried so hard to smile today,

to keep my sorrow locked away.

But the comment you made, cut me down,

wiped my smile and made me frown.

The way you spoke behind my back,

gave my heart a hefty whack.

I’ve always tried to give and please,

I don’t understand, your need to tease.

When you stared at me, I held back tears,

I felt surrounded by my fears,

I’m filled with dread, I want to run,

far away from everyone.

Departure time.

I hurt, I hurt, emotionally,

I am not who I want to be.

Life took my soul, I’m an empty shell,

A depression hole, into which I fell.

The constant aches and tiring pain,

means I’ve fell back down again.

Naughtily, I stopped my meds,

they just kept messing with my head.

It hurts to move, or sit up straight,

can’t sleep at night, ‘mind’ working late.

My breathing struggles, I hear the wheeze,

I wish the tightness, would start to ease.

I’m broken and faulty, do not repair,

My mind is blank, I sit and stare.

Confused and tired, feeling low,

a one-way ticket, off I go.

“Orlistat” medicine.

Advice, views, thoughts ?

I am considering taking a medicine which my doctor wants to prescribe me. Orlistat.

My current medicine and medical problems have assisted a rapid weight gain.

Has anyone taken this medicine or have any knowledge or advice about it?

Thank you in advance. 😊

Medical notes.

Hmm…

My new medicine, instructs me to take 2 tablets on a full stomach !

Clearly the medical company, do not realise how much food it will take, to fill my gigantic stomach !

Challenge excepted. Ha x

A ‘Must Read’.

I have recently purchased a fantastic book, that relates to the emotions and thoughts that depression can cause us. This book has been very helpful to me, I quite often re-read some of the verses.

Title :  When the world went dark.                  . (Fighting depression through poetry.)

Author:  Hannah Precious

I have thoroughly enjoyed, reading the beautifully written and heartfelt poems. Such an inspirational young lady. It’s definitely a book I would recommend.

I can understand why it has a 5 star rating !

Xx😀xx

Finding my strength.

I’m going to try, my very best,

put my strength, to the test.

Fight my demons, head held high,

ban the tears, from my eye.

Copy the courage, my friend has shown,

SmileBe4Tears, your strength has grown.

Determination, I will find,

by searching through, my stubborn mind.

I need to start, my fight today,

starting now, without delay.

Push through the pain and anxiety,

find the true Jayne, lost inside me.

To step outside and breathe the air,

live peacefully, without a care.

Helping others, along my way,

taking each step, day by day.

Reclaim my life and live once more,

this time I’ll be braver, than before.

When I’m gone.

Caution : Trigger warning

Tonight my mind is rather morbid,

but I think my thoughts, should be recorded.

If my heart, should stop its beat,

please let my soul and angels meet.

If I jump, and the rope pulls tight,

I won’t be putting up a fight.

If I drown, and airways close,

place in the morgue, name tag on toes.

If my cut wrist, bleeds non-stop,

let it flow, till the final drop.

If I jump off, from way up high,

I hope the world, will pass on by.

If the dose of pills, is way too much,

leave me till, I’m cold to touch.

Borrowed happiness.

I have borrowed this wonderful idea from  lifeofananxiousteen , please check out her blog using the link.

Quirky things that make me smile:

1. Funny costumes.
2. A double yolker egg.
3. A Kit Kat that’s all chocolate.
4. Shapes formed in clouds.
5. Tom and Jerry cartoons.
6. One-liner jokes.
7. Automatic doors. (I feel magic)
8. When an OAP swears at Bingo.
9. Lots and lots of balloons.
10. Making hand puppet shadows.

I have lots of sentimental reasons to smile, like watching my children smile, hearing them laugh, their good health.

But this list was purely quirky stuff.

Where do I start ?

Recap of events : 

• Chemist lost my repeat prescription, meaning I had no medication for 3 days. Also affecting my anxiety (&OCD) of leaving the house again and at a different time schedule.
• Previously mentioned about everyone having a key to my house and no privacy.

Back to today :

I got myself prepared to leave the house, after phoning the chemist to check they definitely have my prescription this time.

When I arrived, they did have my prescription request form, however there was quite a long wait for the medicine to be processed. I was already out of the house and in the queue, so I would just have to wait.

In ‘real time’ it was probably only about 20 minutes, but it felt like an hour. As I waited in the shop (which was getting very crowded) my nerves/anxiety started. Dry mouth, short of breath, sweat starting on my face and tingling in my hands.

Finally, my name was called out, I quickly took the bag of meds and hastily rushed to my car. I stood at my front door (in the pouring rain) trying to open it fast.

SNAP! My key broke off in the lock……

I rang the doorbell, and one of my son’s let me in. (Normally they don’t hear the bell because they have gaming headsets on. )

I’m now stood crying in the kitchen looking at my key and meds.

All because they lost my paperwork they have made me feel completely down and stressed (and wet).

As for the door key. ….now everyone has my door key except ME !